Being a sensitive human in this world, I can comprehend easier than most the obstacles of remaining in past energies and wounds; while raising a highly sensitive child.
I recognize more frequently how my actions throughout the day play a role in how my kids respond and view their own life.
Growing up, I was taught just how emotionally draining and life sucking being a parent can be. This was a direct reflection of what I learned in school, within my immediate family and from the media.
I grew up with a hell of a lot more responsibility than other friends my age. With this came the emphasis on speed and not being allocated the time to slow down. If the choice was made to do so, it would not be for a lengthy period. It was criticized outloud or internally, and you were to feel guilty about it. I often lacked the experience of joy for the first couple of years of my son's life (he is 7). How do you learn joy growing up in a household, where it was only there for brief periods of time?
As I jumped head first through my own layers of shadow, discovering myself sabotaging traits, thought patterns, learned behaviours, and fears. Holy fuck, the fears! These were self taught and conditioned.
By observing others around me, I recognized where I needed to bleed and heal myself.
How could I truly feel fulfilled or joyful if I was never taught through my perspective of family life and upbringing what that meant? And how do I begin to comprehend and understand what joy truly is for me? To feel it, to know the true meaning of it? As a mom. As a spouse. As a woman. And how could I possibly hold onto it?
As this process began I acknowledged quite frequently that my lack of gratitude, love and acceptance for my own life was not someone else's doing but my own internal reflection on how I truly felt within my soul.
For I did not cherish myself. Therefore how could I cherish anything else in my life? How could I cherish my fiance, kids, home, animals, etc?
That is when I made the conscious decision to dive into my own black hole. My own shadow. To see her for who she truly was. Where I found true consciousness. Where I felt the pulse of life. Of Joy. Of Fulfillment.
Welcome to Gifts of Shadow. Connections with Sarah-Rose, where I share experiences, thoughts, personal perspective, etc. This is “Shadow Deep.”
Songs Listened to 8D Relaxium, "Harmony Scale."